Emmy-award winning NBC investigative producer Benita Alexander became the subject of her own investigation when she discovered that her fiancé, the internationally respected transplant physician Paolo Macchiarini , was not what he seemed. With the help of Discovery Investigation she learned the truth about his lies.
She was also a single mother of a young daughter, and at the time that she met with the famous and very handsome Paolo Macchiarini to interview him for his pioneering surgery technique, Benita’s ex-husband was dying of brain cancer.
We women all owe a debt of gratitude to her emotional bravery for telling her story to the world on Investigation Discovery, 2018, Season 1: “He Lied about Everything.” When her dream man turned into a monster, she turned her hurt and anger into a search for the truth about the man she was planning to marry.
On Investigation Discovery What Did Benita Alexander Uncover?
She learned that his transplant surgeries of artificial windpipes were not as successful as the world hoped. Other well-respected surgeons questioned his research protocols, especially when most of Dr. Macchiarini’s patients died from infection.
Benita Alexander also began to doubt him when he would not show up for dates and meetings regarding the lavish wedding. But she dismissed these warning signs. After all, he was a famous doctor with far more important things to do than pick out invitations and flowers. And so she let her intuition go to sleep.
But more doubts were setting in. Phone calls to the various wedding vendors raised questions in her mind. What was going on? And this time she got help from friends.
She discovered that he not only had other women in his life but that he was married. And that expensive, rare engagement ring and the over-the-top wedding where the Pope would marry them? All lies.
What We Can Learn about Our Own Love Intuition from Benita Alexander
If you are honest with yourself, you probably have also been fooled in love. The person you thought you knew turned out to be mean, controlling, married, dangerous, thieving, unreliable or lying.
From this Investigative Discovery episode we can learn from Benita Alexander the truth about ourselves and why our own love disasters hijacked our love intuition. Here are some tested, trusted tips and warning signs that come from my research, books, and counseling with thousands of people from more than my thirty years as a licensed psychotherapist.
How to Train Your Love Intuition
- Create in your mind an eighteen-month “movie” of your life.
What stressors have you experienced? For example, did you break up with an intimate partner? Is your workload demanding? Are you or someone close to you ill? Did you lose your job or your house? Are you lonely or feel afraid of getting older?
Benita Alexander had a rich life—but also a challenging one. She was a single parent, her ex-husband was dying, and even though her high-profile career as an investigative producer gave her pleasure and financial security, it took up a lot of time and energy. She barely had time for love.
But, still, her life felt full. Unbeknown to Benita, her “movie” left her vulnerable to falling in love. She was lonelier than she thought.
What’s in your eighteen-month “movie” that could leave you vulnerable to falling in love?
- Be wary of the “too muchness and too vulnerable factors.”
Benita said she felt “instant chemistry” with Paolo Macchiarini. She indicated that she was swept away beyond imagination.
Yes, healthy love can make you feel invigorated and special. But, when there’s been a hole in your love life, there probably is a hole in your reasoning.
Did you—or do you now—feel “swept away” by love? Is the chemistry amazing? Don’t let your excitement and relief hijack your common sense and intuition. Take a breath, step back and watch your current “movie.”
Is your partner “too good to be true?” Do you feel that the earth has suddenly tipped toward you? Do you feel very relieved—or even rescued—from your life? And do you feel lucky that you found this person—and that this person also finds you to be equally as special and amazing?
Pay attention to enormous love changes. The very nature of their “too much-ness” all at once is a warning sign. Check your “vulnerability factor.” Scoundrels such as Paolo Macchiarini have emotional radar for women whose stress and loneliness and routine lives leave them vulnerable to being taken advantage of—and fooled!
- Train your love intuition to be accurate.
We all have innate intuitive skills. But we don’t always recognize our intuitive signs—which I call “tells.” Your intuitive signs are as unique as your fingerprints. You might feel something in your gut, but you could also experience your “tells” in other parts of your body. Know your body’s way of warning or informing you.
But even if your intuition is strong—it could still be wrong! Learn how your intuition can trick you. As you can see in Benita Alexander’s situation, the excitement of falling madly in love with Paolo Macchiarini overrode her judgment. As a result, she missed—and dismissed the warning signs.
So, the next time you fall in love, take the time to assess your stress history, be wary of falling “head over heels” in love, and don’t dismiss your body’s intuitive warning system.
And, oh yes, postpone sex until you know this person better—over time. Why is this idea wise? Sexual highs can also hijack your judgment. Your brain gets “drunk” from the flood of pleasure hormones. Think about this: You wouldn’t make other big decisions in life if you were drunk or high, would you?
Stay in tune with you!
LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D. is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, author of “Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love.” Learn more about her and her Training Your Love Intuition workshops at www.lovevictory.com
