Of course, there are more than ten tips about parenting! But an idea came to me that perhaps I could re-fashion the Bible’s Ten Commandments to apply to parents. As a disclaimer–I am not endorsing one religion or religious beliefs or texts over any other religions, texts, beliefs or behavior. I do hope, though, that you find these tips helpful.
1. Thou shalt not express favor or compare other people’s children to your own. (Don’t make your child feel rejected or unlovable.)
2. Thou shalt not take or display more images or speak more favorably of one of your children’s accomplishments over the others. (Love and accept each child for who he or she is—and isn’t.)
3. Thou shalt not swear or say cruel words or do hurtful acts to your children. (Do not use violence, sarcasm, picking or criticism. Words can—and do—hurt. These forms of communication are love-killers.)
4. Remember the importance of family fun. (Children of all ages thrive on the rituals of fun family time—as well as fun time with friends or alone. All work and no play can squash creativity and independence, and it can create resentment and loneliness.)
5. Honor, foster, and support each child’s interests and abilities—especially if they do not “fit” into the family style of history. (Celebrate each child—and do not expect your child to be your chance to please YOUR parents.)
6. Thou shalt not kill your child’s childhood or development by making your child your best buddy or your comrade against your ex or by not allowing them to learn from mistakes. (Recruiting children emotionally is a person-killer. Keep boundaries between your love life and your parenting role. Learn the balance between protecting your children and allowing them to learn from their mistakes.)
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. (Affairs can lead to the breakup or erosion of a loving family life. Seek professional help immediately when you are unhappy in your relationship.)
8. Thou shalt not steal from your child’s development by becoming a workaholic. (Balancing working and being physically and emotionally available is needed to establish and maintain “family flow” of sharing time with each parent and participating in family responsibilities for age-appropriate chores.)
9. Thou shalt not accuse, blame, ignore or criticize your children without knowing the facts. (Intuitive parents learn to communicate by both asking “What’s wrong/What happened?” and telling “What’s concerning you about them.” The Ask and Tell approach works well with partners/spouses, too!)
10. Thou shalt not covet other people’s life styles because it fills the house with shame, resentment, and excuse-making. (Aiming to improve and set goals is good, but complaining creates a victim identity and robs children of the spirit of contribution to the community and world.)
