It’s difficult enough to meet someone who seems like a good love match. But then, over time, things happen between you and your partner that make you wonder: “Is this the right person for me?”
It seems as though it should be such an easy question to answer. But once you fall in love, your head and heart can conspire to make you minimize your unhappiness. As the saying goes, love really can make you blind.
Research about marriage reveals that even great relationships go through rough patches that can last months or even years. Another surprising finding is that these mutally happy couples also live with important unresolved issues.
What keeps these couples happy together is that they sustain the building blocks of long lasting, mutually satisfying relationships: commitment, passion, friendship, respect, complementary styles and abilities, good communication and problem-solving skills, and shared interests and values.
Every couple is different. All you have to do to know that love has its wild cards is to look at all the combinations of couples that make you think: “What an odd pair.”
I can’t possibly know if your partner is the one for you, but I’m offering you this guide to help you assess whether you are in a bad relationship. This list is based on findings from my five-year research with thousands of women for my book. It consists of statements that these women used to get a more honest picture of their relationships.
It’s possible that only one thing on the list below, such as domestic violence, is sufficient for you to know to get help or get out. Use this list to educate you and to activate your newly informed intuition to help you understand your situation and make smart decisions.
Read each statement and think if it applies to your partner. There is no magic number that means you should leave. As you can imagine, I strongly recommend you see a licensed mental health counselor for guidance. Don’t let doubts linger or get swept under your radar.
Here’s 11 Lifestyle Signs of a Bad Relationship
1. I really respect my partner.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Respect is earned. It is a vital part of healthy love Are you proud of your partner?.)
2. I really like how my partner treats me in public and in private.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Loving partners do not air dirty laundry in public They do not abuse in private.)
3. My partner criticizes me often and uses a sarcastic tone.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Research shows that a sarcastic and criticizing style erodes love.)
4. My partner can be unhappy and even a little jealous of my successes.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Your partner should want the best for you. Jealousy taints your joy.)
5. My partner always has to be right and have the last word.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Mature partners are able to give up having to be right.)
6. My partner brings up my past mistakes whenever we have disagreements.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Healthy couples get solution-focused, and they don’t replay the past.)
7. My partner rarely or never apologizes when he or she is wrong or hurtful.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Inability or reluctance to say I’m sorry means someone does not take responsibility. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual self-responsibility.)
8. My partner is playful, tender, affectionate, and attentive when we make love.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Sex should never be demeaning or insensitive to your needs.)
9. My partner lets disagreements fester.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Happy couples tell the partner what is bothering them.)
10. My partner has cheated on me, and he or she can be very flirtatious with others.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Affairs are real threats to love. About a third of couples survives and thrives after an affair.)
11. My partner has lied to me about money or has used it without my knowledge or agreement.
Almost all the time Most of the time Sometimes Rarely
(Stealing and lying about money is a real breach of trust and respect.)
What have you learned about your relationship? Don’t act in haste. Get professional help. If you feel your life and safety are in danger, seek counseling to develop a safety plan first before you pack your bags.
I hope these tips help. My mission is to help you grow your emotional bravery and intuitive power in life, love, work, happiness, and success! You can be part of my next book about intuition! Your story can help others! Go to my website www.lovevictory.com and sign up on the right column to receive gifts and information.
