One day, “out of the blue,” when I was trying to find ways to help my clients, the idea of writing a list of Ten Love Commandments came to mind.
My clients and research participants ask me many questions, and one of the most common one is: “How do I keep that spark alive with my partner?”
All love relationships need tending—and most especially your intimate love relationship.
But, oops! It’s too easy for busy schedules, parenting, and financial or health worries to put a damper on your love spark. Marital and couple research—and mine, as well, for my books—continue to find that long-term, mutually happy relationships do not lose “that loving feeling.”
These couples may not feel intense love highs every day, but they do say things such as:
“When I hear the garage door go up, I get excited knowing that he or she is home!”
“I still feel a wonderful warmth come over me when we hold hands when walking.”
“I love it when he or she calls me by my private nickname.”
“My favorite thing to do together is nothing! We manage to turn errands into fun.”
Happy couples report that they spend the first two years in fifth gear or overdrive, and the rest of their years in cruising gear—with the ability to speed up at any time!
So, how can you keep your love spark alive?
Here are the top tips that came from the thousands of women I’ve counseled and interviewed. I modeled these tips on the Commandments from the biblical Ten Commandments. I am not preaching or promoting one religion or version over another! But one day when I read the Ten Commandments again, I thought: “With a few changes, these words can help couples stay in love!” I hope my ideas help you!
The Ten Love Commandments
1. I will treat my relationship and my partner with the respect that I would want in return.
2. My partner is my main confident and friend. I will not keep secrets and important information from my partner.
3. I love our family, and I know that we best serve them by making sure that we never lose the focus on our relationship to each other as the primary foundation of strength and love.
4. I will demonstrate respect for each other by not using criticism, sarcasm, or cruel and crude words with each other.
5. I will set aside private time weekly with each other to renew our appreciation of each other, to relax and bask in each other’s presence, and to rekindle affection with each other.
6. I will work hard to forge good relationships with each other’s family.
7. I will not kill our love and respect for each other by walking away from disagreements or blaming each other. When we do have disagreements, we will not waste our time “playing history” where we replay who said what. Instead, we will “play it forward” and work as a team to get solution-focused on our shared, desired goal.
8. I will not commit adultery. I value, respect, and hold sacred our bond and vows to each other. If I am unhappy, I will tell my partner. If I sense unhappiness in him or her, I will ask my partner to tell me. I know that using the Ask and Tell technique will enhance our connection and commitment to each other.
9. I will not steal from my partner his or her trust in me to be honest, to express my needs, to forgive, to stay in learning and self-reflection mode, and to work on our future together.
10. I will not covet, compete or be jealous of my partner’s success. I will cheer his or her accomplishments. I know that I can learn from my partner, and that his or her success enriches my life, too.
I hope these Commandments help. My mission is to help you grow your emotional bravery and intuitive power in life, love, work, happiness, and success!
Be part of my next book about empowering your intuition! Share your story about a time when you listened or did not listen to your “inner voice.” You can help others. To receive extra gifts and be part of this book, check my bio below and visit my website. Write in the message box the words Inner Voice.
Dr. LeslieBeth (LB) Wish is a nationally recognized Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist LCSW #7132 FL, honored for her pioneering work with women’s issues in love, life, work and family. The National Association of Social Workers has included her on their list of the Fifty who has Contributed to the Profession. She is the subject of biographical entry in many Marquis’Who’s Who publications. Her latest self-help, research-based books are Smart Relationships and The Love Adventures of Almost Smart Cookie, the cartoon companion book where you can follow a year of Cookie’s love missteps and learn about yours!
