It’s not easy meeting the parents of your partner for the first time. But it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience. Sure, you’re nervous. Why shouldn’t you be? You want to like them—and you want them to like you! Here are some top tips that I hope will help ease you fears.
First watch this video. It was made for the holiday season, but the tips will apply any time of year. And you don’t have to worry about writing down what I recommend. I’ve incorporated the tips into this blog.
1. Go with a caring and prepared heart and mind. Bring a smile and a positive mindset. It’s contagious. The best way to go with genuine care is to learn about your partner’s parents ahead of time. The more interest you show in the parents, the more they will like you.
Ask your partner what his or her parents like to do. What are their interests or hobbies? Usually, these areas are the things that parents like to talk about!
2. Ask your partner what not to talk about! In general, unless you know that your viewpoints are the same, it’s best to stay away from politics and social commentary! Overall, politics, money, and complaints about this or that generation are off-limits. And don’t take the bait if asked about your political views. That’s why it’s wise for your partner to clue in ahead of time. If you feel cornered, then you can say something like: “I’m an open-minded person. And I’m always learning. So, why don’t you tell me your views on…”
3. Be prepared to field questions about you! Don’t tell your whole life story—especially if there are things that are controversial or that put you in a bad light. For example, you don’t have to say that your family has lots of alcoholics. If your parents are divorced, you can mention that, but be sure to add something that still puts you in a good light. First impressions are hard to change. So, now is not the time to say that your parents hate each other or that you had a tough adjustment period in your life to your parents’ divorce. Instead, you could say something like: “My family experience taught me to value and nurture a good relationship with good communication and respect.” You might also add that a family relative was a great role model and that this person reminds you of their son/daughter.
4. Prepare ahead of time the things you would like them to know about you. Take charge of first impression. First, find common ground with what your partner told you about his or her parents. Then you can add the things that you want them to know about you such as: “I am hard-working, and I put myself through school.” Or, “I really value family connections and contact.” Or, “I’m really good at managing money.”
5. Before you go, write an actual snail-mail letter to them. Tell them how excited you are to eet them. Tell them that their child is in good hands and that you and their son/daughter are happy. Thank them for raising such a wonderful child.
6. Bring a gift. Don’t go overboard. Flowers or an appetizer of their favorite food—which you learned about from your partner—will do just fine.
7. Hang out and help out. Offer to chop, peel, set or clear the table. It doesn’t matter what you do, but show interest. You want to demonstrate that you fit into the family. Kitchens and family rooms are great for fitting into the family rhythm.
8. Allow your partner—and you—private time with the parents. One of the parents might want to chat with you, show you around. Or, you might want to chat briefly with the most concerned or most difficult parent to assure them that their child has made a good choice.
9. Talk later about the experience with your new partner. Discuss what you learned and how it will make your relationship with each other and the parents better. What things would you like to improve the next time?
10. Send a thank you note to your partner’s parents. In the note, you can clear up any misunderstandings, add things you didn’t get to say, and tell them how much you are looking forward to being with them again. Stay in touch.
Thank you for stopping by. Please write you own story or Like this blog. To learn more about me and my research-based, self-help books for women, “Smart Relationships: How Successful Women Can Find True Love” and “The Love Adventures of Almost Smart Cookie,” please go to my website, www.lovevictory.com. Please follow me on Twitter @LeslieBethWish and on Facebook at lovevictory. I wish you the best!
