My clients and friends frequently ask me: “What do you think of (Bill or Linda?”) They want to know what you and so many other people want to know: “How do I know it’s good love?
At some point in our lives, most of us have thought we were in love with the “right” person. If that sounds like you, don’t worry. It’s not only normal to feel that way—but it’s often a good thing—for a while at least.
Why? Well, we are fortunate to be creatures who learn. And one way we all learn is through “trial and learn” and “trial and succeed!
The goal isn’t necessarily not to make a mistake—at least not a dangerous one—but to learn from these trials about you, men, women, trust, values, interests, abilities, communication, commitment, and the world!
As we grow, we change! We, hopefully, learn to be brave enough to face ourselves so we can make wiser love choices later. Think of your love history as a series of tentative choices you made with the information about you that was available at the time.
Don’t fret if you have a list of love gone wrong!
So, how do you know you got right this time? Hmm…I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me you have made a great match. You see, there is always the unknown in life. But here is a guide to help you minimize the chance of unwanted surprises. These tips come from my research with thousands of people for my book, “Smart Relationships.”
Quick Love Checklist
1. You like the “You-Who-is-You” in the relationship. Look closely at you! Do you like the person you’ve become?
2. You actually like and respect your partner. When you don’t like or respect your partner, you risk feeling alone, vulnerable, and angry at you and your partner.
3. You feel joy in being together. Good love activates happy anticipation! You like knowing your partner will be home soon. You like hearing that garage door go up or the front door open.
4. You are a good problem-solving team. You don’t get stuck—for too long, anyway, in going back over what happened. You know how to focus together on solving the issue.
5. You cheer each other’s accomplishments. Love doesn’t thrive with jealousy or lack of support.
6. You don’t try actively to change each other. Instead, you know that your differences make you strong because you bring balance, complementary strengths, and fresh points of view.
7. You share most of your key values. Well, you can’t agree on everything every time. Ask yourself: “Do I feel less alone now that I have my partner? Do I feel comfort in knowing that my partner accepts and shares my main values? Does my partner ‘get me’?”
8. You don’t use criticism and sarcasm as communication style. These styles are “love-murderers!”
9. You don’t ignore or walk away from disagreements. Smart couples face their “hot buttons.” They also know how to “Ask and Tell.” They tell their partner when something is bothering them. They ask their partner about what’s going on when they sense something is amiss.
10. You don’t rely on unhealthy ways to soften your unhappiness. Happy, healthy couples do not hide their problems by being all work and no play; by having affairs; by abusing substances; by becoming violent or abusive; and by doing any other things that you know in your heart are not smart.
11. You are able to work together on the key areas that test most couples. For example, you face the most important issues such as money, in-laws and child-rearing, and time spent together and apart.
12. You have sexual passion for each other. Yes, sex is important. Your love-making is respectful. You also know how to rekindle passion. Often, just doing new non-sexual activities can jump-start a ho-hum sex life!
13. You trust in your judgment in choosing this person. Activate your instincts. What are they telling you?
I hope these tips made you think! I wish you the best.
Thank you for stopping by. My mission is to help you stay smart, brave, sweet and intuitive about love, life, and work. Want to be part of my next book about empowering your intuition about love, happiness, success, and other things? I would love to hear your story. Please go to my website, www.lovevictory.com. Click on the Contact tab in the upper right. Sign up for my free gift to you! Provide your contact information, and in the Message box, write the word ANGEL or the word INTUITION. I will send you the information! Thank you in advance! Your participation will help others!
Dr. LeslieBeth (LB) Wish is a nationally recognized Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist LCSW #7132 FL, honored for her pioneering work with women’s issues in love, life, work and family. The National Association of Social Workers has included her on their list of the Fifty who has Contributed to the Profession. She is the subject of biographical entry in many Marquis’Who’s Who publications. Her latest self-help, research-based books are Smart Relationships and The Love Adventures of Almost Smart Cookie, the cartoon companion book where you can follow a year of Cookie’s love missteps and learn about yours!
