It’s very scary to think you found Your Soul Mate, but you found instead Your Love Nightmare. What went wrong?
Getting smart about dating, mating, and relating relies, in part, on maintaining your ability to turn on your awareness lights about your observations of you and others. You are most likely doing this already. For example, when you meet a new person, you are making assessments about them. You think: Is this person kind, secure, honest or smart? Prehistoric humans had to rely on these skills because their survival depended on it.
We “size up” potential love partners today because a wrong love choice could lead to more than unhappiness. It can result in falling in love with someone who beats you or cheats on you. Yet, too often, our sizing up is wrong.
We look at others who have happy relationships, and we wonder what they have that we don’t. People who are successful in love are good judges of people, and they are attuned to themselves and others. They have intuition.
This article will help you fine-tune your trust in your love judgment. Even if you read the first part of this series about building trust in your intuition, here’s first a review of the definition of intuition.
Intuition is your ability to focus in seconds on what’s most important to observe in all areas of your surroundings, including in you—and on what to ignore. Imagine if you could develop this mindfulness about you and your environment so you could quickly detect, interpret, select, and accept as true the most valuable information about the cues and clues that come from you, people, this earthly world or other! Intuitive people are open people who accept that guidance can come from many sources. They know how to access more quickly and accurately all their powers.
Okay! Now you’re ready to increase your intuitive people reading powers!
Building Your Love Intuition Quiz
- Scroll up and look at the photo at the beginning of this article. How interested is this couple in each other?
Analysis:
Let’s begin with the cues from the man’s posture. Even though he is sitting back from the table, his shoulder is tipping toward the woman. This tip is important. It signals a willingness to be close and connect.
But, if you were very observant, you think: He is not sitting fully at the table. Could he be sending mixed messages? No, you think. His legs are open. There is a slight open twist to his upper body. The overall message seems to say: Friendly and interested. Hmm… But to be sure, you look at other signals.
Shift your focus to his face. He has a genuine grin. How can you tell? His eyes are crinkling. His smile opens his lips. Good sign—closed-lipped smiles are often not sending love signals.
And look at his hand. His fingers are open, too.
And now look at her. Her head is tilted toward him. The answer: This couple is very interested in each other. When you go on dates, pay attention to the face and body of your date—and you!
- Look at the picture below. Is this a great date? What is the woman doing wrong?
Analysis:
Oh, many of us have had dates gone wrong. Let’s start with the man. His face is in a scowl. His eyes are closing in disapproval and dislike. Check out his hands. They are hidden under the table. But he may not have started out feeling these things. Look at the tilt of his shoulders. One shoulder is tipping down and closer to her. To assess mood and acceptance in your date–and in you about your date—notice faces, shoulder tilts, and the space between you.
But the woman can’t know all these things. Why? Well, for one thing, she is sitting too parallel to him. She doesn’t have a good view of him and therefore can’t assess his signals about their interactions or about him in general. Tip: When you go on dates, make sure you sit across from each other.
In fact, she doesn’t seem all that much interested in this date at all. One hand is on her sunglasses as though she is ready to get up and leave. And you know what else is a “tell”—the sign that wise poker players look for in others? Look at the table. How many wine glasses do you see? Yep—there’s just one. She ordered one for herself and is finishing it before she grabs her sunglasses and gets up and goes. The answer: She didn’t want this date. She didn’t even bother to sit across from him to learn about him.
Or—just maybe she learned he was an unsavory character and only went on this date as a favor. Hmm…You can invent many interpretations—as long as you take your cues from bodies and faces and spaces in you and your dates.
- Look at this next picture of a man with two women. Which one does he like? Which woman likes him?
Analysis:
Look at the shoulder pitch in each person. The woman on the left, with the red top, is tilted toward the man. She has also closed the space between her and the man. She also doesn’t seem to worry about her top riding up and revealing her skin. She might even like it as a signal to him about her availability.
Look at the man’s shoulder. He is tipped toward the other woman!
We don’t know what his arms are doing behind the women. Yet, the message coming from his upper body is open. Look how his jacket moves to follow the openness of his upper body.
Now look at the woman in the pink and white top. She is leaning closer to the man—not as much as the other woman—but look at her head and neck: She is craning her neck toward him. Yet, she is being a bit guarded: Both her hands are in her pockets. And did you notice that she is wearing headphones? The answer: The man favors the woman in pink—who is both interested and not sure about her feelings toward him. Be aware of heads, shoulders, and necks in you and your dates.
- Look at the picture below of a couple talking to each other. Who is hurt? Who is most stubborn?
Analysis:
This couple is clearly not happy! Let’s look at him. His hands are in his pocket, a sign of self-protection in this scenario. But he is not so defensive that he has moved away from her. His leg that is higher on the step is closer to her body. When you and your partner are having disagreements, assess the distance of your partner from you.
Now look at her body language. Her neck is pulled back. Her hand is on her hip. Her body could likely be broadcasting: “I am angry. I am hurt. I am not ready to negotiate.” What does your body signal your partner about your willingness to focus on resolving the conflict. The answer: She is the most hurt, angry and stubborn.
Keep your eyes open to others! Stay tuned in to your feelings and body language.
Thank you for stopping by. I hope these tips help. My mission is to help you stay smart, brave, sweet and intuitive about love, life, and work. Want to be part of my next book about empowering your intuition about love, happiness, success, and other things? I would love to hear your story. Please go to my website, www.lovevictory.com. Click on the Contact tab in the upper right. Sign up for my free gift to you! Provide your contact information, and in the Message box, write the word ANGEL or the word INTUITION. I will send you the information! Thank you in advance! Your participation will help others!
Dr. LeslieBeth (LB) Wish is a nationally recognized Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist LCSW #7132 FL, honored for her pioneering work with women’s issues in love, life, work and family. The National Association of Social Workers has included her on their list of the Fifty who has Contributed to the Profession. She is the subject of biographical entry in many Marquis’Who’s Who publications. Her latest self-help, research-based books are Smart Relationships and The Love Adventures of Almost Smart Cookie, the cartoon companion book where you can follow a year of Cookie’s love missteps and learn about yours!
