Don't Wall Up Your Heart to Love

We've all been hurt by love's disappointments.  Often, we respond to these hurts by walling up our hearts.  Don't.  Read these dangers of "swearing off love."

1.  Walling up your heart is an attempt to protect your feellings.  But all it does is keep you angry and scared.  You really end up putting on blinders--which leave you unable to look honestly at your own behavior, the type of partner you chose and the reasons why you got into this kind of relationship.

2.Swearing off love takes you out of the practice ring of honing your skills at reading people, taking more control of the pace of dating and learning more about you and your likes and dislikes.

3.  You risk allowing your loneliness factor to increase to the point where you grab the next decent-enough person.  Hasty love is foolish love.

Here are some tips to avoid these problems.

1. Get out there!  But instead of looking for love, go out on "hang out," casual times together.  Don't go back to each other's places, stay away from those "romantic" dark corners of restuarants until you've developed real feelings over time.

2. Don't get drunk or high.  Keep your wits about you.

3.  Make tentative predictions about what you think this new person is like, and then go out on a few more casual dates together to test your "reading."

4.  Go out with people you normally wouldn't go out with.  See what you can learn about yourself and others by dating against your usual type.  After all, that type just might have gotten you in trouble.

5. Give people a chance.  We are all complex, and you just never know where that diamond in the rough might pop up.

6.  Take your time and postpone sex until you know you both feel the same way about each other.

7.  Never tolerate abuse.

Hope these starter tips are helpful.

LB