Trust Your "Gut Feeling"

Don't be an Almost Smart Cookie and ignore those big, strong, you-can't-miss feelings that tell you that something is wrong with your immediate experience on your dates or with your partner.  Recognizing these signals of emotional distress is one of the key tools in knowing yourself and assessing the other person and your interactions. 

The next time you go on a date or spend time with your partner, try these tips to make sure you are not over-accommodating, accepting too much or holding back when you should speak up.

1.  Every so often during your time together, do an "Internal Check" of your physical reactions.  Do you feel sick?   Is your tummy queasy?  Is your heart racing or your head pounding? 

2.  Think about when you've had this reaction before.  What were your feelings at that time?  What was going on?

3. What words would you use to describe your feelings?  Angry?  Sad?  Frustrated? Confused?

4.  Take a break from the scene so you can fine-tune your assessment.  Go to the restroom, your bedroom or any logical place so you can do some thinking.

5.  Ask yourself:  When have I felt these emotions before?  How would I describe the current situation? For example, is someone being unkind to me?  In the past, how have I usually handled this kind of situation?  Do I over-accept, brush things under the rug or get angry?

6.  Are there any similiarities between this current situation and ones with your parents?  How did you feel or react?

7.  Now ask yourself:  What do I want to do?  You have many options such as:  Say nothing for now.  Speak up.  Tell the person I'm sorry for speaking first without thinking.  Tell the person your feelings are hurt.  Acting normal but deciding not to see the person again.  Give the person another chance.

The list is endless--and it's unique to you.  The goal is to be more aware of your reactions and to understand them so you can minimize over-reacting or over-accommodating.

Keep trying!

LB Wish