Here are some thoughts that might surprise you. There is not necessarily a type of person who cheats.
Even nice people can be cheaters—and this concept can cloud your ability to see the signs that your partner is a cheater.
How many times have you watched true crime shows such as Dateline where the spouse or the entire town says something like: “He was a pillar of the community,” or “She should have known about his love affairs?”
So, for starters, don’t be too hard on you if you missed the signs. There are good reasons to wear your love blinders: One of the many consequences of knowing is the trauma of having your life and trust in your judgment and partner shattered.
Even if you detect on him a new aftershave scent that is just a bit too flowery, you might dismiss it. After all, you think: Well, maybe he’s just wearing one of those old bottles in his medicine cabinet that he hoards.
Still, there could be some warnings you should consider. Here are five that don’t exactly shout “cheater” at you.
5 Signs That He Might Be Cheating on You!
The following signs share one thing in common. They are based on changes in your partner and relationship’s usual style.
1. His interaction with you changes.
He is overly nice, charming, convincing and accommodating. He seems suddenly willing to help or go along with you. You notice this “too much-ness” in his actions, but, since they are so pleasant and what you’ve longed for, you don’t question it.
What he’s really doing is putting up a front so you won’t rock the boat or complain about his lack of consideration. He knows you. He knows that you are desperate or pliable.
Look at the Cookie cartoon below. As soon as she hears a woman’s voice on Nick’s phone, she initially trusts her instincts to mistrust him. But—oops! Look how quickly she falls for Nick’s explanation.
The benefits of turning a blind eye seem more important than risking losing the relationship. And look at those sailboats. Don’t they look like sharks’ fins?
On the other hand, you notice that he avoids you and doesn’t engage in decisions. You notice this “too little-ness.” But he’s going through hard times, for example, at work. So, you make excuses for him. When you do speak up, he tells you that work has become more demanding or that his boss wants him to travel more and take over another co-workers territory. You sympathize—and ignore his coming home late and tired.
2. His mood changes.
He becomes more critical, sarcastic and short-tempered with you. Or, he seems to mope and withdraw. But, once again, you find reasons to explain it.
3. Your sex life changes.
Your intimate times decrease or he tunes out when you do have sex. Or—surprise—he suddenly does bolder things sexually with you—even things you said you didn’t want to do. You don’t realize that he’s doing with you what he does in his affair.
4. Your financial situation changes.
Out of the blue he says you can’t afford things, including things you agreed to do. It never occurs to you that he’s spending money on his lover.
5. His general behavior changes.
He’s become more secretive. He hides his cell phone or changes his passwords to his phone or computer. He stays up most of the night and tells you he doesn’t feel good or he has a lot on his mind. But he’s really contacting her.
What do you do?
Confronting him could prompt him to lie—or become violent. Stay calm. Examine your possible contribution to the problem and ask him how you each can improve your relationship. Go to counseling—even if you go alone.
If you fear him, seek women’s services to learn about safety planning.
Affairs don’t have to be the kiss of death. At least a third of couples make their love work.
I hope these tips help you.